


i was never meant to hurt no one

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Happy Ending, M/M, angsty, just a little drabble really, semi-open ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-27 00:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5027038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn’s eyes are still pure warmth. They’re the same whiskey brown Liam had come to associate with happiness and bliss. He can’t stop taking them in, letting all of the perfect memories swirl together with the immeasurable pain into a tidal wave that threatens to spill out of his own eyes. He can’t blink. Can’t tear his eyes off of Zayn. He knows he should say something but when he opens his mouth nothing but a small sob escapes. He turns and walks away, slowly, maintaining the small amount of control he still has. He keeps himself composed, even as he hears Louis hiss out a quiet ‘fuck’ and Niall’s sharp exhale. He manages to hold back the tears until he’s laying down on a blanket covered chair. </p><p>or: Liam thought he could make it through the last show before break in one piece. a surprise guest makes him rethink that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i was never meant to hurt no one

**Author's Note:**

> My first real 1D fan work and I have Taylor @softlyandswiftly to thank. I was feeling really sad about Ziam and the rumors about them not even talking anymore so... I did this. I'm sorry?
> 
> As is the case with most things I do/make, this is for Ashley @mohawkpayne on tumblr.
> 
> Title from Bloodstream by Ed

It’s the last show of the tour. Liam is beyond ready for a break. Ready to really get over it. He’s mostly been okay with it and it has been 7 months but he’s always been the unofficial spokesperson for the band and taking on the responsibility of answering the “Zayn leaving” question was just another burden for him to bear. Not that he’d ever call it a burden, especially to the other boys. He knows they haven’t been taking it too well either and as always, he’d rather it be him in pain than his boys.  
  
And if he was being honest with himself, it didn’t even hurt that much anymore. Maybe it was the total lack of communication with Zayn for the better part of 5 months. Maybe it was just numbness from over exposure. Maybe it was just him moving on. Whatever the reason, he was decidedly not thinking about Zayn or him leaving. He was ready for the last show, the best show he could put on, the only thing between him and a break.  
  
“Liam, are you almost ready?” there was a small kind of smile on Harry’s face, one Liam had come to learn meant harry was trying to protect him.  
  
“Yeah, just gonna run back for one last hair check. You know Lou’ll have me if I go out there a mess,” he says, making his way past Harry.  
  
“No, it’s fine!” Harry steps forward, hands out ready to guide Liam back, “your hair looks great, mate.”  
  
Liam gives him a puzzled look. “Yeah, it’s probably fine, but you know how Lou gets. Remember when you went out in Phoenix and she didn’t get to finish your braids? Didn’t talk to you for days, did she?”  
  
Harry looks at his feet, clearly uncomfortable, and says, “Yeah, I remember, but you’re fine. Just don’t go in there.” There’s a pleading in his eyes like he wants to tell Liam something he can’t say out loud. And Liam, somehow, knows exactly why he shouldn’t go in that room.  
  
“Zayn’s here.”  
  
Guilt covers Harry’s face as he nods, still not meeting Liam’s eyes. “We all wanted to tell you but, uh, Zayn was pretty clear he didn’t want to see you.”  
  
A small hurricane of emotions sweeps Liam off his feet.  
  
Confusion. Zayn didn’t want to see him? That can’t be right. He knew it’d been a while since they talked last but he doesn’t remember any fights or reasons for Zayn to not want to see him. As far as Liam was concerned they were still best mates. They were still Zayn and Liam, always there for each other, always right next to each other, letting the gravity between them pull each other closer than any friendship Liam ever had.  
  
Sadness. His Zayn didn’t want to see him? The person, outside of his family, he was closest to in the world, the person who understood him most, the person who was always going to be on his side…. Yes, Zayn wanted out of the band but Liam didn’t think that meant the friendships Zayn had made would just be tossed aside. The people who had been there for him and the people he’d been there for.  
  
Anger. Zayn didn’t want to see him? Zayn didn’t have to see him. Zayn could comfortably hide away with whomever he was working with, whoever he was staying with. Zayn didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to. Liam wasn’t so lucky, with the constant questions and rumors and-  
  
“Harry let me through.”  
  
“I’m under pretty clear instructions to not let you do that.” Harry is at least trying to look serious or intimidating or something of the sort, but Liam knows Harry to well.  
  
“Please, Harry. I… I have to.” Liam hardly ever plays the pout anymore, but in this situation it feels warranted. And it works. Harry steps aside with just one plea, “Just, be gentle, okay? He’s hurting just as much as you are.” Liam doesn’t quite understand what that’s supposed to mean, given Harry’s previous ‘He doesn’t want to see you’ but it nags at him while walks toward the door.  
  
Breathe, he reminds himself, as he pushes the door open. The laughter he heard standing outside comes to an immediate stop. He feels several pairs of eyes on him but he sees only one.  
  
Zayn’s eyes are still pure warmth. They’re the same whiskey brown Liam had come to associate with happiness and bliss. He can’t stop taking them in, letting all of the perfect memories swirl together with the immeasurable pain into a tidal wave that threatens to spill out of his own eyes. He can’t blink. Can’t tear his eyes off of Zayn. He knows he should say something but when he opens his mouth nothing but a small sob escapes. He turns and walks away, slowly, maintaining the small amount of control he still has. He keeps himself composed, even as he hears Louis hiss out a quiet ‘fuck’ and Niall’s sharp exhale. He manages to hold back the tears until he’s laying down on a blanket covered chair.  
  
He’s not sure why his brain led him to Harry’s dressing room but the dark and quiet ambiance feels fitting now. Minutes that feel like hours pass in near silence, only broken by occasional sniffs and sobs. There’s a knock on the door Liam desperately wants to ignore. But there’s an audience out there waiting for him, a whole sea of people relying on him and his band mates to put on the greatest concert of their lives. The pressure doesn’t normally get to Liam, but today it’s making him sick.  
  
“Just a second, let me, uh…” he knows stalling won’t do him any good, but he has to try. He can’t face his fans like this.  
  
“It’s me.”  
  
No two words had ever made Liam come completely undone. Until just now.  
  
“Can I come in?” There may be a wall between them but Liam knows Zayn’s been crying too.  
  
“Yeah. I guess.”  
  
The door opens in what must be slow motion. Zayn steps in and for a moment Liam can breathe again. Until the words ‘doesn’t want to see you’ ring in his head like a bell calling to a town at noon.  
  
Liam wipes his eyes and nose. “We really don’t have time for this right now. I have to get out there… the boys…” he trails off, feeling the weight of Zayn’s gaze on him.  
  
“The boys asked the opener to play a couple more songs. They said we could take as much time as we needed. They, uh, said we obviously had some things to work through.”  
  
“Do we?” Liam asks, not sure if it’s hope or anger he wants to do this with.  
  
Zayn must read it as anger because he winces back. “Liam, please. Please let me explain.”  
  
“Explain what, Zayn?” Liam finally finds the strength to look at Zayn. “Explain how you left me, left the bad, which I never blamed you for I know how you felt. But you left and never looked back, you never called, you never accepted our invitations to come to a show…. You just left and, and… it feels like you didn’t even care. And then I find out you’re here and you don’t want to see me? Do you even understand how much that hurt me?”  
  
Zayn was on the chair with him now, not close enough to touch even though it was obvious he wanted to do nothing more than reach out to Liam.  
  
“I think I do understand. But do you understand how much it would have hurt me to see you, to see you angry with me and saying you never forgive me for leaving? I was afraid you’d hate me, Li. I’d rather not see you and know that maybe you still love me than see you and know you hated me.”  
  
Disbelief washes over Liam. “I could never hate you, Zee.”  
  
This makes Zayn laugh, laugh through tears that had started rolling down his cheeks. “I know that, Li. I know that. But I was scared anyway. I’m not brave like you, babe.”  
  
There are too many things Liam wants to say and not enough time or words to say them so he settles in close to Zayn and lets himself be held.  
  
“I missed you, Li.” It’s a quiet breath ghosting over his hair.  
  
“I missed you, too.”


End file.
